Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think I won the penis lottery.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
