Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
