That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
