Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
