i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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