dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
