We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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