i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
