My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
