I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
