What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
