I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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