Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
