I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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