i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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