haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
