Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
