I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
