Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
