and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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