Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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