I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
