Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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