I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
