having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
