I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
