Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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