You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
