I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
