well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
