I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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