Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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