Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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