I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
