a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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