i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
