Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
