can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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