your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
