So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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