And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
