Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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