Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
