I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
