Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
