my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
