we're chasing vodka with high fives
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
