Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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