I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
