Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
