did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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