I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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