I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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